Reminiscing, Dreaming, Trusting

There’s a lot on my mind today as I write, but I can’t seem to unscramble the ideas and thoughts I have accurately enough for this post to make sense.
But I’ll try my best.

Happy New Year! I spent New Year’s Eve and Day at Sydney’s house with her. We really “lived it up” by watching Fear Factor, eating Nutella, and cuddling with the babies. I was able to FaceTime with some family members, as I was in 2016 and they were still in 2015. I was able to FaceTime my parents again the next day, or night for them, and watched the classic celebration in my parents’ downstairs living-room with friends over a little phone screen. As we said goodbye, he said to me,
“Well, we really miss you. It’s just not the same without you here. I love you very much, sweetie.”
I smiled and tears began to well up in my eyes. I then began having trouble holding it together.
“Don’t you know you’re not suppose to say things like that?!” I replied.
I missed him.
Truth is, I’m beginning to miss a lot of things now.

Oh goodness. I miss Pizza Hut. I want Pizza Hut so badly; it’s painful. I miss my friends in Summerland and in Terrace. I miss my guitar…I’m having major withdrawals. I miss my mom, and staying up late in the living-room talking with her, while the TV is muted. I miss my dad, his warm hugs, his voice, and his corny, lame jokes that I always seem to find funny but don’t like to admit it. I miss my big sisters, and sharing secrets and memories with them. I actually kind of miss snow. When it’s so hot that you sweat from just walking from one end of the house to the other; you kind of like the idea of cold snow.

A couple days before New Year’s Eve, Chris, the boys, and I went to a golf course in Lugazi; about an hour drive from our village. It was absolutely beautiful. As the guys golfed, I sat on a patio that floated on top of a beautiful pond spread with giant lily-pads and shaded with huge bundles of bamboo trees. It was astonishing. I sat for an hour, in pure silence and took in the beauty of the garden I was surrounded by.

I began to reminisce.

As I thought over my year of 2015, I couldn’t believe how much I experienced and went through;

  • The Holy Spirit revealed to me the victory and identity I have as an ambassador of Christ
  • moved to Summerland in March
  • Said “No” to college (wouldn’t be here if I had gone!)
  • Staffed at Hope Bay Bible Camp and Maple Springs Bible Camp all summer, and met some of the most amazing hearts
  • Wrestled against principalities of darkness in my life and others’ lives
  • Saw the broken-hearted be restored with a new hope
  • Witnessed the dead be raised back to life (literally)
  • Witnessed God’s protection, time and time again
  • Totalled my baby…RIP Sporty Spice
  • Celebrated my one year anniversary from the time I first experienced Christ
  • Travelled to Africa
And as I continued to reminisce while soaking in God’s beautiful creation, I began to miss it all. I began to miss each person, each experience, each memory, and even some hard, learning periods. And for a brief moment, I prayed that God would take me back.
But that’s when He reminded me of something great.
 
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” – John 10:10
As much as I want to go back and re-experience all my adventures in 2015, I can’t help but be even more pumped for what God has in store for me in this new year. I wouldn’t be in the position that I am if it weren’t for obeying God’s mysterious plans. I have absolutely no indication of what is to come of 2016. I hardly have any idea of when I’m actually going back to Canada. But what I do know is this:
I don’t need to plan out every detail of my life. Sure, I’m going to have some plans. I have dreams. I have passions. I have a million things in my heart that I want to live out and experience. But I’m not going to take one single step until I know that it’s in God’s will, and that I have surrendered every and any dream I have in His hands. He will never fail. He will never shut me down for having an unrealistic, impossible, or even short-term dream. If anything, He takes my passions and dreams, and makes them into realities that I never even knew were possibilities. I am ready for this new year. I am ready for whatever is ahead, even if I don’t understand it at first. I am ready for more abundant living (God willing). I am willing to trust my God, because I know who my God is.
So as I lie here starting this new year in bed for the third day in a row with a fever going down, a fear of puking again diminishing, a decrease in bathroom trips, an upset stomach slowly calming, and an exhausted, unenergetic body sluggishly recovering, I say; I choose to trust Him.

I trust Him even though every time I go outside, a man comes up to me and says/does something outrageous. I trust Him even though I have no idea what I will be going home to. I trust Him even though I don’t quite know when I’m going home. I trust Him even though I am sick. I trust Him even though I sometimes feel very lonely in a foreign place. I trust Him even though I feel insignificant. I trust Him even though the Uganda election is soon, and things are of extreme tension; especially for white people. I trust Him even though I don’t always trust the boda or taxi drivers; which is a lot of the time. I trust Him even though I am constantly looked at because I am white, and believed to have lots of money. I trust Him even though I can’t trust in the police because they are corrupted. I trust Him even though my heart is sometimes deceived. I trust Him even though it’s not always easy. I trust Him even though I don’t understand His ways.
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” – Isaiah 43:2

“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.”
– Psalm 143:8
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